Figuring out my Relationship Goals
After months of quarantine and separation, many people are beginning to yearn for connection. It’s one of our basic human needs, and a driving force behind why I do this work - everyone deserves to have healthy, meaningful connections.
It’s interesting that this desire to find or rekindle relationships comes in the midst of the ‘summer love’ season. Generally, spirits are higher and people feel happier because of the warm weather and sunshine, and that makes us more attractive (and more attracted) to others. While I’d never want to trample on someone’s hopes of finding a new partner, I do think it’s important to keep in mind the fact that we’ve all been through a highly emotional, stressful time. It’s possible that our intense desire for human connection and interaction could cloud our judgement.
When it comes to attraction, there are different levels and categories that we need to examine (sounds romantic, right?). It can be helpful to remind ourselves of these things when determining who might be a good match for us.
Physical Attraction: I only list this first, because it’s what many people first think of when looking for a potential partner. I would never say that being physically attracted to your partner isn’t important - it definitely is. But, if it’s at the top of your list, you’ll be disappointed.
Shared Interests: This may even be the way you meet a new potential dating partner. Find a group or club that’s based around something you’re interested in. Whether that’s a sports team, a music group, book club...it’s easiest to first connect with others when there are common interests. Start a conversation around that topic, and then see where that conversation leads you. However, you do not need to be interested in everything your partner enjoys, and vice versa. It’s important that you both have separate interests as well, that you can spend time doing alone, or with others. Time away can be just as important as time spent together.
Intellect: This does not mean that you have to have the same IQ as your partner. It’s more about being able to have interesting, lasting conversations with another person. It’s great to have a shared interest, and to want to discuss that with someone, but it’s important that the level of conversation you create with the other person is interesting enough to keep you engaged. If someone wants to share about something you don’t have much knowledge of, be willing to let them teach you more. It can be exciting to see the person we care about talk about their passions.
Dreams and Goals: When looking for a new partner, it’s important to have an idea about your own goals before you start dating. If you know that someday you would like to get married, or adopt a child, or travel the world, it’s important that you find someone who feels similarly. (This does not mean that you work really hard to convince them or change their mind!) Everyone gets to set their own goals, and when we enter a relationship with someone, both people should continue to work towards achieving those things, while supporting one another.
The search for a new partner should be exciting and fun! It can be easy to get caught up in all the feelings that accompany the dating process, but keeping these things in mind can help you find a more meaningful connection.